So I’ve done it. I no longer live in Denver. Land of cassette tape belt buckles, evil finger muppets, golf balls, box cutters, etc. I now live in New York. Land of prostitutes in mink coats, rude cabbies, gays, jews, skyscrapers and bagels. I thought I had left behind the quaint treasures of my yard, but upon waiting for the bus a few days ago, I’ve discovered that true shit in my yard will always find me. Let’s take this gem for instance.
For those of you with cataracts. I’ll transcribe: “JVC 27″ Colour Television in EXCELLENT CONDITION This is the best BARGAIN of this year asking $100 DOLLARS Do not be shy Check it out Give us a call at XXX-XXX-XXXX CALL US ANYTIME”
Let’s take a moment to consider this.
2. WTF? It’s nearly duct taped to a fucking tree.
3. How fucking bossy is this ad? it’s one fucking order after the other. CALL NOW… CALL ANYTIME… DON’T BE SHY. Fuck, Don’t tell me what to do, Whitney.
4. Is this really a good deal? a 27 inch tv for 100 bucks whose biggest selling feature is that it’s “COLOUR”? what a racist way to refer to a TV. and what’s the alternative? Black and White? What is this, the 60′s?
5. Where’s the punctuation? This isn’t fucking Ulysses.
And finally, CALL ANYTIME? Really. I’ll bet if I had posted this at 2AM on the interwebs, I don’t think they’d be so eager, sitting by to take your call.
Sadly, this is still classier than craigslist. Not that I’d know a thing about that.